Sunday, March 30, 2008

Day O

So all day long I've been singing that song in my head, "Day-o...Day.a.a.o. Daylight come and me wanna go home" Yep, it's warming up around here and I finally decided to hit the beach. Ah yes, the sound of the ocean, the smell of the fresh ocean air and an old dude in a bright yellow speedo.

It never fails that a normal day at the beach can easily turn into a disaster when some atrocious eye magnet walks by. And sure enough, that was the case. But this wasn't a good eye magnet, oh no. I couldn't be that lucky and see some hot girl in a bikini. This was the kind of eye magnet that wakes you up in the middle of the night having cold sweats.

Here he comes walking down the beach, no wait, strutting down the beach. And of course, he is looking at all the ladies and waving because they are looking at him. Now to say that this was an older guy I don't mean like he was 50. No, I think this is the guy that invented sliced bread.
Granted, this man was built like Jack Lalane and may have even been his father, I can't be sure. However, the choice of a bright yellow speedo which simply begs to be called a banana hammock, was an obvious fashion nightmare.
No matter how bright the packaging is, it still contains a couple of shriveled prunes. And how can you not stare at something that is the color of yellow highlighter? That is why they call it highlighter. I couldn't tear my eyes away from this thing so I am helplessly stuck there hoping that the nuggets don't sneak out while I'm looking. This was no bathing suit, it was a freakish pair of "Man-panties". I just couldn't imaging loading my giblets into a sock on a string like that.
At first I thought he lost a bet or had never heard of Bermuda shorts. But, I don't think this was his first trip to the beach in the yellow sack swing, he didn't have any tan lines.
I was so distracted by the bright yellow egg basket that it took me a while to notice his long, thinning, gray pony tail. Well, sure, maybe he was bald on top but the back and sides were nice and long. If you got it flaunt it, right. Besides, it made him look kinda like an older Willie Nelson in a speedo. Did I mention the bright yellow speedo?
So, back to my song, I'm sure you know the rest of it, "Come Mr. Tally man, Tally my bananas". That's just what popped into my head. Actually, it all started when I thought, "That dude has a day glow package". That easily made the transition to "Day-o" package.
Sure, all the women on the beach were smiling at him, wouldn't you? I'll bet he goes home and calls his great grandchildren that are in college and tells them how much the ladies love him in his bright yellow boner suit.
The good news is that I went to the beach feeling a little self conscious about being kind of pale from the long winter. But I was able to leave there feeling like it could be worse, I could be that guy. Yep, I could never load my frank and beans into an eye patch like that and hit the beach. I gotta hand it to the guy, he sure had balls.

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

You know you want bright yellow speedos....you cannot lie to me hhehehe

HEALTH NUT WANNABEE MOM said...

Your funny! Cute story-made me laugh.

theoffendedblogger said...

Someday, the old version of you might find yourself eyeballing a pair of bright yellow speedos and thinking "you know, my boys would look MIGHTY DAMN FINE in these babies".

I'm just sayin'. ;)

MissPinkBiik said...

bravo! 3 thumbs-up... oh sorry to the guy wearing the yellow speedo... ha ha ha ha

brightfeather said...

I prefer to go to "clothing optional" beaches and when I go to the other kind I'm always astonished at the get up I see both men and women wearing and/or falling out of. Had I been with you I'm sure I would have had the same reaction as you did to the banana sling.

earthlingorgeous said...

LOL... that made me laugh big time! yellow speedo and prunes and bananas ... and your sound track for the day... Day-O!

But hmmmmm... you could have chosen to stare at some girl wearing yellow bikini instead of the yellow banana guy .... hmmmm... something's wrong here LOL!

Ekim said...

@earthlingorgeous Put on your yellow bikini and let's find out :)

SSB said...

Oh, God! I almost choked on my popcorn! I saw a guy on the beach once in speedos playing w/ his package to this day the thought of it terrifies me.

Azure Islands Designs said...

So very true...go to any popular beach and there will be at least one "man" and he will usually be way, way past middle age, either skin and bones or have a huge "beer belly",wearing one of those horrendous things...but hey he must feel good about himself right??? I'm sure there is a whole discussion in this story!!! Great writing,great for a laugh!!! ~H~

Jenn Thorson said...

That song will never be the same for me again. You know, there's something to be said for vivid comedic description... And sometimes that description ends up being, perhaps, a bit too vivid. :)

The poor tallyman...

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