My friend Ashley tells me that women are drawn to men that are "Bad Boys". Then, to make things worse, she tells me that I am not a "Bad boy".
Oh, I beg to differ. I am a bad boy, a true rebel. I work construction without a hard hat Ya'know?
I don't heed warnings at all. That's right, I am dangerous.
I take Tylenol and then I do not, "Keep out of reach of children".
In fact I stand right next to them.
I probably wouldn't have a headache if I did.
I don't lather, Rinse and repeat. I just lather and rinse.
I just lather and rinse.
Really, Ashley, I'm the guy your Mom warned you about.
Don't believe me?
I run with scissors, how do you like that?
And to make it better, they are left handed scissors in my right hand.
"Alert the authorities, he's gone mad!!!"
Now, if that's not "Bad Boy" enough for you, let me present you with
what I like to call "Exhibit A":
Feast your eyes on this baby!!
I ripped the tag of that mattress
Like it was nothing.
I didn't even hesitate
And I'm not the consumer either.
My Mom bought that mattress.
So I could do hard time for this.
I have this hanging on my refrigerator as a reminder of what a "Bad Boy" I am.
If the Mattress Police ever come to diner, I'll get busted.
Busted, I tell you!!! I'm living on the edge, full of Adrenaline and hard liquor.
Well, actually, Tang because it has a full days supply of vitamin C and I have a little case of the sniffles from the dust under the mattress. I could get sick from the germs and I don't wanna take any chances.
A "Bad boy" with green snot isn't very attractive, is he?