The internet will be discontinued in December of 2009 due to the rising cost of copper. There is an estimated 3.7 billion dollars worth of copper wire that will be salvaged and used to make new consumer products. There is an increasing fear that the copper could be stolen from the telephone poles and sold for scrap.
In January the internet will begin being shut down in small segments as part of a phase out plan developed by Italian engineer, Sherzo Difettoso. The first customers to lose their connection will be able to purchase wireless converter boxes that will allow them to still access the internet through the hollow conduit but at a smaller bandwidth.
For those customers that are still using "Dial-up" the converter boxes will come in a kit form containing two tin cans and a tightly drawn string. Cellular customers can purchase a similar kit but with much smaller cans.
Firefox users will need to upgrade their browsers to support the new technology. Internet explorer users will not notice any change in performance. Mac users will be the first to notice the effects of the copper recall with PC users following close behind.
Also in the works is a design that simplifies communications by sending smoke signals. A device is installed on the exterior of your home called an Aerial Sensor System. Using a smoke machine and a small tube, the user can type on a keypad and the machine will blow puffs of smoke up his A.S.S. similar to instant messaging.
Disclaimer- This post should not be taken seriously and is intended for entertainment purposes only (Mainly my own entertainment).