Thursday, June 10, 2010

What are we eating?

People, it's a sad world that we live in when a simple trip to the grocery store has me shaking  my head so much I get dizzy.  The products that are available today are pretending to be something that they're not.  I'm surrounded by wolves in sheeps clothing.  Or worse, food that's pretending to be other food.  And probably stuff that I wouldn't normally eat.

This all started a few years ago when my daughter decided to be a vegetarian and wanted veggie burgers.  Well, as far as I'm concerned, there is nothing like a good cheeseburger.  And veggie burgers are nothing like a good cheeseburger.  Sure, it LOOKED like a cheeseburger but it tasted like dried chili on a bun.  Look, chili on a bun is good and so is a cheeseburger.  But, don't try to trick me.  That's like putting a dress on a dog and calling it my date.

Fuel was added to the fire when a new sugar substitute came out that you can bake cookies with.  It's even made from real sugar.  Really?  So are cookies.  Here's a thought, how about we bake cookies with sugar?  I  know, I know, it has half the calories of sugar.  That just means that we can eat twice as many cookies.

Then, Pepsi made "throwback".  It's Pepsi but it's made with "real sugar.  Real sugar?  Holy crap, what have I been drinking all theses years?  "High fructose corn syrup", did you have to remind me?  I mean, that was just the equivalent of Pepsi taking the dress of the dog and saying, "Ha ha, we fooled you".

But this latest discovery defies logic.  I don't even have a punchline for this one.  Again, it starts with my daughter who sends me to the store to get her some crackers.  I'm in the cracker isle and I see something that actually makes me freeze with fear of what the world has done to shopping.  As I am scanning the many varieties of saltine crackers that are available, I actually see a box that has the word, "Unsalted" on it.  UN-salted saltines.  Unsalted saltine crackers. I can't say it enough.

I can see past the sugar free ice cream.  I can ignore sugar free candy.  I can understand, but refuse to buy, decaffeinated coffee.  But, unsalted saltines?  How can you possibly have unsalted's IN the name?!  SALTines without salt is just "ines".  


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SLiV said...

I bet unsaltines taste horrible. I can't understand why someone would eat sugar-free candy etc regularly. It's like "hey, I'm lactose intollerant so I drink 3 glasses of lactose free milk every day". Just either love candy or you do not. Don't try to fake your way in between.

Awesome blog, keep it going.

forestwalk/laura k said...

i was just 'next blogging'...through all the cooking in college...families...cutsey blogs...and then i FINALLY came across one that made me LAUGH!! you are hysterical!! i only read the one post about the fake food...but i'll be back!! keep it up...sooo funny...thanks!! =)

joven said...

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The Lucid Dreamer said...

This makes a good point. Love your blog!

christina said...

hahaha this is an adorable and hilarious blog. you make me laugh. unsalted saltines...hmmmm?

Rebecca said...

I just stumbled across your blog by hitting "next blog"...You are hilarious. I read your post about your father in the bathing suit and literally laughed loud enough to have everyone in the cube farm they call a work environment, turn around and stare at me. Not so good for productivity, but excellent for state of mind. Thanks for the laughs!

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Nomad said...

I gave up cigarettes in one fell swoop when I imagined (falsely, thank goodness) that I had cancer. Then I gave up sugar, mostly, because I figured that since diabetes runs in my family, it would eventually be necessary. But I will probably never be able to give up salt. Or coffee or chocolate. That's not THAT bad, is it?

Delighted Scribbler said...

LOL Nice. This rant could have so easily happened in my own head.