It may come as a surprise that I am not always a funny guy who laughs at the world. I have my bad days too and sometimes the world laughs back. In fact, on occasion I decide to have a few bad days in a row, just to get them all out. What surprises me is the way that some people react to me on those bad dayweeks.
One of my very close friends said something so shocking that I was seriously beginning to wonder if someone had slipped me a micky (I' have always wanted to say that, it's so "old School" that I feel like I am in a black and white film right now) and I simply misunderstood what she had said. Sorry about going off on such a long parenthetical tangent. I'm really not sorry, it just seemed like something I should be sorry for.
Anyway, I'm sure you are wondering what she could have said that was so shocking. I'll get to that in a minute but first, I feel another tangent coming on. I have also wanted to try to work the term "penal system" into a blog post but I can't find the right context for it here so I'll have to try again later.
Oh, back to my story. I have to first explain that this is a woman who is an extremely moral catholic woman and the last person you would expect to say something so shocking. Now, let me tell you that she was trying to help. I was feeling down and she seemed to have a solution for me to get back to feeling myself. Feeling myself, I am going to resist the urge to go off on another tangent.
"Dude, you need to get laid", she says. Did I hear that right? At first I thought that she must be implying that I take a vacation in Hawaii. Then, I thought that maybe "laid" was some Catholic religious ceremony like a baptism. The only "laid" that I can possibly think of in this context is...well..."laid".
Now it would be entirely inappropriate for me to link to her Catholic inside blog. So don't expect me to do that HERE.
Now, the only appropriate guy thing to do is to point out that we are both single. I quickly found out that she was making a suggestion, not an offer. But more advice ensued as she pointed out that my ex wife is also single and we are still good friends. Of course, my ex wife didn't want to, "Go down that road again". Would it really take that much effort for her to lay there and repeatedly ask, "Are you done yet?" like she did so many times throughout our marriage?
So, anyway. This should be every guys fantasy, having two women fighting over who is going to have sex with him. Of course, in my case, it plays out like the old Cinnamon life cereal commercial. "I'm not gonna try it, you try it" pushing the bowl away "I'm not gonna try it". Ladies, please, there's milk spilling over here.