Monday, June 9, 2008

Breeding an army of superhumans

I'm sure you know that we take vaccinations to make us immune to disease by being exposed to small amounts of the disease like chicken pox. Well, what if we could take that to the next level? Now I feel like a mad scientist. Bwahahaha!!!

This past weekend, I had my two daughters and they were both ill. And of course with all the projectile vomiting and hershey squirts going on, I knew I was bound to get it and I did. Despite the swarm of festering germs swirling about, my son did not get sick, he never does. This got me to thinking.

Many years ago, I read somewhere that kids who eat their own boogers have a stronger immune system because the boogers act like little vaccinations. Maybe my son used to eat his own boogers, I don't know. I do know that he is able to eat things that would make a buzzard puke, I've seen him do it.

After taking the girls back to their Mom, I went home and tried to sleep it off. I think the fever, and possibly the double shot of NyQuil gave me a wildly imaginative dream. Or, drug induced hallucination if you want to be all technical and stuff.

I was raising my kids all over again but this time I didn't discourage them from picking their nose and eating it, I encouraged it. I didn't stop there. If I was going to have my army of superhumans that would survive the next plague I had to go beyond, way beyond.
I told them that they must not limit themselves to eating their own boogers, they should also eat other peoples boogers.

Next up, the airport. We have to make sure that they are exposed to boogers from around the globe. Aha, it's my lucky day, that man just arrived from Singapore and he is blowing his nose. I ran up to him and asked, "Are you going to eat that"? Scratch Singapore off my list and as an added bonus, airplanes are know to have the most germ filled air know to man. Eat up kids.

At this point, the kids had to use the restroom. Ewww, public bathrooms are so disgusting. Hey, while you're in there, why don't you lick the rim of the toilet bowl? That should give your immune system a good boost. Ok, I'll admit that was a bad idea and was totally uncalled for. Because a more recent study determined that computer keyboards have way more bacteria than toilets. Hey kids, we're having qwerty for lunch.

Wow, being sick can give you some very strange dreams and NyQuil should be a controlled substance.

16 comments:

Barry said...

Wow - a post on boogers... it is odd what we dream sometimes, even odder when we discuss it :P

Dr. Rob said...

To think of all the money I could have saved taking my kids to the movies.

Sophie LC said...

Didn't Demi Moore used to drink her own urine? I read this a few years ago, supposedly it's supposed to be good for your skin (not that I would know about this!)

timethief said...

i'm speechless :O

Drowsey Monkey said...

Eeewwwwww....LOL! You know, if I took a shot of Nyquil everytime you said boogers, I'd be passed out right now.

There is something to exposing yourself to germs, my dad was a real believer in that. Maybe we sanitize kids too much now, or....maybe not. Stay off the juice.

Thinkinfyou said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Thinkinfyou said...

Even though your post has left me a little sick to my stomach.....You may just have a point.

Theresa H. Hall said...

What a wild dream! It makes sense, in a strange way. Oprah had a show about Compulsive Disorders and the doctor helped the people but getting them to touch dumpsters and lick their fingers and wipe the stench on their clothes and clothes. Disgusting but it helped them overcome some of their strange fears. You're probably right. Too much Nyquil. Hope you are better very soon.

Melissa said...

OMG! The visuals are way too intense... what a thought.

The Offended Blogger said...

Ha! Don't blame the NyQuil. You are a sick bastard deep down, I knew it all along. :)

Kathleen said...

You're on to something, and so is Demi. There's a lot of science to that. Exposure to germs (your kids), makes their immune systems stronger, I'm sure. Too much hygeine really does make you vulnerable. They would do better if they ate each others boogers though. (kidding!!!!)

Just wondering though...were they the dry kind, or the runny kind of boogers in your dream?

Moooo! said...

Or you could eat other peoples boogers off a public toilet.
i hate public crappers too, but now i have no choice, thats all we have here. Whats up with the "word verification" having 23 freakn letters???

Dark Angel said...

EWWWWWWWWWWWW. URGH!

To hell with superhuman kids. I'll take mine slow witted and stupid any day, if that is what takes.

Dr. Nicole said...

Too funny! "Hygiene Hypothesis" states that the more germs you are exposed to the better your immune system work. If you think about your immune cells like little soldiers, the ones that have been to war will be much stronger than those lazy ones that just lounged around the barracks all day.

Chrissy said...

Yuck, yuck , yuck, you americans are just too weird ;)

G. said...

Well... I must stay that is a tad bit gross xD Hope you get your army of superhumans.