Saturday, July 12, 2008

All the wrong answers

Over my many years on this planet (well, not "Many" but a few) I have learned a few things that I feel obligated to pass on to others. Ya know, just to help the greater good. What I learned may not be all that helpful as I never really learned the right things to say. However, I can help you to avoid some of the mistakes I made by passing on "All the wrong answers".
These answers have been personally tested and I can assure you that you do not want to try these at home.

If you are reading this, it may be too late for the first one. When I was younger and did something wrong (Which almost never happened) my Mom would say, "The next thing you ask for, the answer is NO". One time, I replied with, "Can I go to school tomorrow?"

When dealing with the police, I want to warn you that they seem to lack a sense of humor. When they ask if you have any guns or other weapons, I have noticed that, "Oh yeah, what do you need?" is the wrong response. Also, "Hey, you have your own", goes over like a fart in church.

When it comes to relationships, I have not had much success. I have however learned a great deal about what "All the wrong answers".
When a woman asks, "Do these jeans make my butt look fat?",
the wrong answer is, "No, no, the fourth trip through the buffet line made your butt look fat".

When a woman asks, "Where you just looking at that other woman?",
the wrong answer is, "NO! I was just looking at her boobs, not the whole woman".
Maybe volunteering too much information is a bad thing.

This normally leads to the next question that women like to ask, "What does she have that I don't have?".
The wrong answer, as I found out, is, "My undivided attention".


Thinkinfyou said...

OUCH!!! I feel sorry for your significant other!!

Drowsey Monkey said...

I can tell your mother loves you :)

Let's hope you learned something from all that.

Anonymous said...



Mad Beach Punkin said...

It's great to see that someone actually learned from their life experience and can apply it! Believe it or not, there are soooo many men And women who st don't get it, and they say those very things. Thank you, very refreshing.

YogaforCynics said...

The "buffet line" line is brilliant, and I intend to use it next time I really want to spend the night alone and someone has different ideas.

Ekim said...

@thinking of you- Would you believe that I am single? Go figure, right?

@yogaforcynics- Just don't try that line on "karateforcynics".

Dark Angel said...

i bet this was you


Ekim: To the bed, the couch, anywhere you want is really fine with me.

Azure Islands Designs said...

Funny...did you ever learn the correct answers to women's questions???


Real Diva Designs said... mouth insert foot...silence is golden sometimes.

Joanne said...

hahaha... better not say a word than to give those wrong answers.