Over my many years on this planet (well, not "Many" but a few) I have learned a few things that I feel obligated to pass on to others. Ya know, just to help the greater good. What I learned may not be all that helpful as I never really learned the right things to say. However, I can help you to avoid some of the mistakes I made by passing on "All the wrong answers".
These answers have been personally tested and I can assure you that you do not want to try these at home.
If you are reading this, it may be too late for the first one. When I was younger and did something wrong (Which almost never happened) my Mom would say, "The next thing you ask for, the answer is NO". One time, I replied with, "Can I go to school tomorrow?"
When dealing with the police, I want to warn you that they seem to lack a sense of humor. When they ask if you have any guns or other weapons, I have noticed that, "Oh yeah, what do you need?" is the wrong response. Also, "Hey, you have your own", goes over like a fart in church.
When it comes to relationships, I have not had much success. I have however learned a great deal about what "All the wrong answers".
When a woman asks, "Do these jeans make my butt look fat?",
the wrong answer is, "No, no, the fourth trip through the buffet line made your butt look fat".
When a woman asks, "Where you just looking at that other woman?",
the wrong answer is, "NO! I was just looking at her boobs, not the whole woman".
Maybe volunteering too much information is a bad thing.
This normally leads to the next question that women like to ask, "What does she have that I don't have?".
The wrong answer, as I found out, is, "My undivided attention".