Just say NO

Every once in a while you just need to cut loose, throw caution to the wind, go “all in”, pass go and collect $200.  And even thought that makes no sense, my point is that sometimes you just need some excitement.

Now, there's a slight chance that I may be getting older.  Not right now, of course, but eventually and I'd like to prepare myself for what's to come. So, when my girlfriend managed to get her hands on some Viagra I was all for it.  I was too focused on the thought of having a night of passion that I completely neglected to ask her where she got the little blue pills.  There was no bottle, they just came in a little baggy but I thought that would be a good thing because I wouldn't have the chance to lament over possible side-effects like blindness or rectal bleeding or stroke.  Besides,  a little plastic baggy is perfectly legitimate, right?

In hind sight, I should have just said “NO”, these little blue pills were obviously not a prescription and probably some concoction that was manufactured in someone's toilet.  But you can't judge me because you didn't see the way she looked in her mini-skirt while she was digging through her purse looking for a means of poisoning me.

Unfortunately, the little blue pill yielded a very unexpected result.  I was expecting (read: hoping) to become an unstoppable sex machine.  Instead, after I swallowed the blue pill Morpheus appeared and started giving me a lecture about the dangers of conformity and telling me how disappointed he was that I wasn't “the one”.  Which is something that my girlfriend has been saying for years.

Okay, I don't honestly expect you to believe something so outlandishly preposterous. I can hear you all saying, “That's just impossible” and you're right.  I mean, come on, do you really think I have a girlfriend? 

I did, however, watch The Matrix again recently.  One thing that never occurred to me when I watched it years ago is why did Neo take EITHER pill?  I mean, if a mysterious man in a trench coat offered you a pill, would you take it?